Where You Are Supposed to Be

It's been way too long since I had a teacher in-service day. My husband had to work a little overtime this Saturday but instead of going in first thing in the morning he stayed home with the kids, did all the yard work and let me pack up my books and head to my mom's house for a little quiet reading/planning time. I had seven and a half hours of time to sit and read (cheap therapy).

I spent the majority of my time researching history curriculum options and reading The Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise. 

The Well-Trained Mind was one of the first books recommended to me by another homeschool mom (as well as A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille). It was the first book I started reading when I first started my search to my eight million questions regarding homeschooling. Maybe it was the fact that I had a preschooler who was having anixety attacks at school when he was asked to write his name and two babies....but the book turned me off right away. Teach him to read by the time he starts kindergarter, be ready to spend hours on several subjects each day, turn off the TV (read: my life line), read to him all day long and get ready to start teaching latin by the third grade. I may or may not have had to put the book in the freezer for a little while and breath into a brown paper bag after having my own anxiety attack.

Homeschooling was way out of my comfort zone. I wasn't a very good student and grew up believing that I  just wasn't very smart. Reading did not come easily to me and I never learned to enjoy it. I went through my entire 13 years of public school never once reading an assigned book. I learned how to pass my classes by participating in class discussions and taking good notes. I rarely did homework, but I did a lot of homework during classes, ahead of time and I usually scored well on my tests. So I graduated from the best achedemic school in my state with an average GPA and an acceptance into a small but decent university during their off-track (winter/summer as opposed to the more popular fall/winter track). Maybe this is why I loved everything I read in A Thomas Jefferson Education. I felt I could relate to it. Everything rang true to me and it felt like something I could do. I could do reading my kids the classics, focusing on family and good morals, teaching them how to care for each other and our house and waiting to start academics until they showed interest.  I was recovering from years of severe postpartum depression and this sounded and felt like exactly what our family needed. Just a couple months later I would become pregnant again and once again start my fight through another two years of perinatal mood disorders. Tjed was exactly what our family needed as a start.

I think TJed is a wonderful approach to education. But it was only a good fit for a short time. I soon realized it wasn't going to work for us in the long term. I just felt I needed more direction. And so I've been searching. I've found so many wonderful things that have influenced me and helped me grow as a home educator and I feel our homeschool is always evolving. Lately I have felt a pull toward a more classical education.

As I was reading The Well-Trained Mind today, I kept finding myself thinking, "Oh gosh, F is so behind. We haven't done any of these things. He's just barely started reading..." Over and over again I would pause with worry as I read this book wondering if we could implement it even though we wouldn't be starting at the very beginning.  And then, all in a moment, I felt the spirit of the Lord come upon me and write a message on my heart and mind. 

"Remember, you have put yourself in the Lord's hands from the very beginning. You have done your very best and His grace is sufficient. You may walk in weakness but He does not make mistakes. Look back, can't you see how the Lord has designed everything so perfectly, and that right where you are is right where you are supposed to be and that everything is going to be OK? Move forward with faith. Do your best to do the things that feel right. Make choices with confidence, the Lord is on your side. Continue to work hard and never cease to pray."

Smile.

Breath.

I'm not doing this alone. I may not know very much but He know all things perfectly. He is on my side.

Breath.

Smile.

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